Defense Mechanism of The Week: Regression

Therapy | December 3, 2011

Newport Beach, Orange County- What is regression? If you have ever watched a toddler start to act like an infant right after a new sibling is born, then you are familiar with the defense mechanism of regression.  The truth is, social and emotional development does not progress along a straight line. In essence, regression is the temporary or long-term reversion of the ego to an earlier stage of development for purposes of handling emotional conflict.

This phenomena is easy to observe in psychotherapy; a patient who has finally summon up the courage to try out a new way of behaving will frequently revert back to older habits of thoughts, feelings, or behavior for several sessions after trying something new and challenging.

Strictly speaking, it is not regression when a person is aware of needing some extra comfort and asking to be held or reassured because of it.  In regression, the process must be unconscious.  Therefore, a good example would be when a woman lapses into a girly, babyish voice just after she has completed a large ambition, or when a man starts a fight with his girlfriend after they have reached a new level of intimacy.

Some people use the defense of regression more than others.  For example, those that tend to somatize tend to regress, reacting to the stress of growth and change by getting sick.  This process is never conscious and it may cause anguish both to the regressed person and to those involved with him or her.  It has been widely noted that when somatization and other childlike ways of dealing with life become a cornerstone of a person’s character, he or she may be characterized as an infantile personality.

If you are interested in marriage counseling, treatment for depression, or psychodynamic psychotherapy in Newport Beach, Irvine, or the Orange County area, please call Jennifer De Francisco at (949) 251-8797.

 

0 Comments | Add a Comment

Defense Mechanism of the Week: Projection

Defense Mechanisms, Therapy | November 28, 2011

Newport Beach, Orange County– What is projection?  What does it mean for someone to project his or her feelings onto someone else?  Simply put, projection is the misunderstood perception that feelings that in reality come from the inside are coming from the outside. The classic example is of the spouse who is convinced that their significant other is cheating when they themselves are harboring feelings for someone other than their mate.  In its most mature form, projection is the basis for empathy; since we cannot actually read minds, we must project our experiences onto other people in order to understand someone else’s subjective world.  Intuition and leaps of faith involve a projection of the self onto others, and people who are in love often read each others minds in a way that comes from a projection of their own feelings.

Most of the time, projection is much more malignant; unlike regression, it is considered a more primitive defense mechanism, as there is a lack of psychological boundary between the self and the world.  When a child is a toddler, he or she does not differential between himself and the world.  “I” is equivalent to “the world”.  It is from this developmental stage (infancy) that the process of projection hails.  Often times, projections breed dangerous misunderstanding and tremendous interpersonal damage.  Projected attitudes seriously distort the perception of the person on whom the feelings are projected, usually consisting of highly negative parts of the self that the person cannot accept.   For example, when a person believes that another person is a threat to him or her because they cannot acknowledge their own angry feelings, the object of this feeling sometimes becomes very upset at feeling so misunderstood.  Hostility ensued, proving to the projecting person that their intuition was right.

As can be expected, this usually creates all sorts of interpersonal difficulty.  When a person uses projection as his or her main way of coping with life, he or she can be said to have a character that is paranoid.  Narcissistic personalities tend to use projection as well.

Jennifer De Francisco, LCSW is a marital counselor and depression specialist in the Newport Beach, Irvine, and Orange County area.  Please contact her at (949) 251-8797 if you are interested in therapy, counseling, or relationship counseling.


 

0 Comments | Add a Comment

Defense Mechanism of the Week: Repression

Defense Mechanisms | November 23, 2011

What is Repression? 

In essence, it is motivated ignoring or forgetting for protection of the Ego.  This is the defense mechanism that first fascinated Freud, and has been studied in depth by therapists and psychoanalysts ever since.   Another way to say it is, as Freud defined it, a mental turning away from something, and keeping it at a distance from the conscious mind.   For example, a disturbing circumstance comes up, such as evidence that a spouse is cheating.  It is then consigned to the unconscious, with the individual subsequently feeling confident that their spouse is faithful.

Of course, sometimes a person just forgets something because they are shifting their attention to something of greater importance, which is part of the everyday human experience.  But if an idea or a thought is not accessible because it is so upsetting, then repression is in play.  Traumatic events offer an extreme example.  After a rape or an attack, vital events are very often not accessible, which is part of a repressive, PTSD reaction.  Another more mundane example would be temporarily forgetting someone’s name who is be to introduced during an important meeting as a result of negative feelings toward this person.

Repression Is a Higher Level Defense

Repressive, believe it or not, is considered a higher level defense-one must have a sense of wholeness and continuity of the self before one is capable of handing disturbing impulses by repression.  If we were constantly aware of all of one’s impulses, feelings, memories and conflicts, we could be absolutely overwhelmed.    Repression is only a problem when it gets in the way of living positively or of finding more successful ways to cope.  Overreliance on repression has been traditionally considered a hallmark of the Hysterical Personality.

Ultimately, repression suppresses a feeling of anxiety, and is the automatic suppressor of countless anxieties that are inherent to living life.  Unhealthy repression, unfortunately, leads to more anxiety, which is characteristic of the depressed, neurotic character.

If you are interested in Psychodynamic Psychotherapy to work through unresolved issues and live in Newport Beach, Irvine, or Orange County, please contact Jennifer De Francisco, LCSW at (949) 251-8797.

5 Comments | Add a Comment

The Aftermath of Penn State: How to Talk to Your Children about Sex and Sexual Abuse

Life Guides | November 17, 2011

How do you talk to your children about sex and avoiding dangerous people that might hurt them? At what age? Years ago, parents would have a “talk” about the birds and the bees with their children, explaining the mechanics of pregnancy, childbirth, and the sexual act. Currently, the thinking among child psychologists is that rather than a single “talk” about sex, there should be an ongoing dialogue that continues until the child reaches young adulthood. All of these talks, of course, need to be age appropriate- what you tell your ten year old is not what you discuss with your 4 year old. It is important, however, to begin early; if parents wait until a child’s teen years to discuss their sexuality, they may have waited too long.

As the Joe Paterno Penn State scandal demonstrates, sexual topics are ever more pervasive and present in the media, and parents are finding that it is increasing difficult to shield them from these explicit sexual issues. What parents can do is convey their values by talking to their children, and controlling what they learn from the media event. This is a smart approach since research shows that the more information children have, the better decisions they make, and the more likely they are to postpone having sex.

Often times parents feel unprepared to talk about their personal feelings or answer the sometimes embarrassing, and very specific, questions that their kids ask. “What if they ask me about my sex life?” The important thing to remember is that you do not have to have all of the answers. A child needs an environment where he or she feels safe and comfortable talking to you about their feelings and thoughts. There are very good children’s books that can be used as tools to bridge communication.

Kids need to know not only the “how” and “why” of sex but the social and emotional issues surrounding it well. Starting when they are toddlers, they should learn the anatomically correct, clinical words for body parts. Perhaps more importantly, starting when they are toddlers, children need to learn what is safe and unsafe touching. Parents of kids age 5-8 need to continue to clarify and expand the facts. For example, explaining the facts of puberty and the changes to expect from their body. At about age 9, a conversation ought to occur about pornography, explaining that while some adults do look at pictures of naked people, it is not OK for children to look at them. Age 9-12, kids need more detailed information about puberty, and the dangers of entering into a sexual relationship too early.

Once your child is a teenager, the focus ought to shift from talking about the mechanics to focusing on the values you believe are important. Dating, romance, and what is a healthy relationship ought to be explored. Sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy prevention, and safe sex in general ought to be discussed at this time. Parents of teenagers are encouraged to create an environment in which teens feel comfortable talking about their feelings. Ask lots of questions.

As teens get older, the focus should be on relationships and their thoughts on them. Topics such as casual sex, peer pressure, and date rape are appropriate.

Toddlers to Preschool
•Talk about what is a safe touch, what is not.
•Talk about what to do if someone touches your child in an inappropriate way
•Talk about body parts using clinical words.
•Explain the basics of pregnancy and birth

Age 5 to 8
•Start talking about puberty and the changes to the body

Age 9 to 12
•Explain what Pornography is and that it is not okay for kids.
•Explains some of the dangers of a sexual relationship

Ages 13 to 15
•Talk about values and relationships. What is healthy, safe, and loving in a relationship?
•How to Have Safe Sex
•Pregnancy Prevention
•The Prevention of Sexual Transmitted diseases
•Engage in a conversation about when they believe they are ready to have sex

Age 16 to 20
•Emphasis is on values
•Discussing casual sex
•How to avoid date rape
•How not to give in to peer pressure

0 Comments | Add a Comment

Defense Mechanism of the Week: Denial

Defense Mechanisms | November 16, 2011

We all use defense mechanisms to protect ourselves psychologically from uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, and experiences.  Some defense mechanisms are more adaptive to the ego, while others are more primitive.  One of the more primitive is denial.  Everyone uses it occasionally, but it is generally maladaptive, and part of the personality structure in people with substance abuse disorders, schizophrenia, hypomania, hysteric personalities and Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

 

One way to defend ourselves from unpleasant experiences is to refuse to accept that they are happening.  For example, denial is an almost automatic response when there is a catastrophe or when someone important to us dies.   This is a natural throwback to the magical sort of thinking of a typical toddler: “If I do not believe it, then it is not happening.”  On the positive side, we all use denial to some extent because it can make life a little more pleasant. For example, believing that a cynical friend who speaks ill of everyone would never speak  that way about you, since the two of you are so close.  Also, in situations requiring heroic bravery, such as running into a burning building to save a child, a sense of denial is necessary given the serious danger that may be present.

More often, though, denial contributes poorly to a person’s psychological and personal outcome.  There can be a Pollyannaish quality to denial—everything will turn out for the best despite any evidence to the contrary.  For example, someone who refuses to go to the dentist out of fear is ignoring their dental health and is at a greater risk for tooth decay or gum disease, yet they magically believe that the cavities will somehow disappear.  More extreme examples include alcoholics who refuse to admit that they have a drinking problem, or parents who refuse to admit that a neighbor is molesting their child—this is denial at its worst.

If you are interested in working through issues psychologically such as depression or in need of marital counseling  and live in Orange County, Irvine, or Newport Beach, please call me, Jennifer De Francisco, LCSW at (949) 251-8797.

3 Comments | Add a Comment